Their theme song is a rip-off of M.I.A.’s “10 Dollar”. Don’t believe me? Take a listen. It pisses me off to hear such a BAD interpretation. And we’re not talkin’ 80’s bad.

I am currently sitting in the Washington Eye Center, waiting for BooDaddy to finish getting his eyes zapped. I probably have an hour or two left to wait. So I thought I would briefly share my night with you.Last night we had reason to get the dog out of the way and put her in the basement for a few minutes. Most of you that have seen it know that it’s no dungeon, and acts as an office. So she was comfortable. When we finished up and eventually went to bed, Boo asked if I had set the house alarm, which I hadn’t. So I begrudgingly got out of bed and set it…only to crawl back into bed and fall hard asleep.

3:00am….. I might as well have been on the fucking Enterprise battle bridge with red alert turned up way too high. The alarm was tripped. I nearly kill myself running down the stairs, realizing half way to the console that Boo didn’t even stir. Note to self. Oh and I’m naked. Oh and now that I have disabled the alarm, what if someone broke in? I’m naked, Tylenol PM’d, half-way still dreaming, he isn’t awake, and I may not be alone. So what do I do without thinking? Invite danger by opening the basement door.

BAM!!!! I nearly get knocked over by…not a robber…but the fucking dog. Seems she got tired of being forgotten despite the comfy digs and tripped the motion sensor as a “hey bitches” to the both of us. How she didn’t trip it earlier is beyond me. The was singularly one of the most body-stressing events I have been through in awhile, only countered by the guilt of realizing I liked guys way back when. As a result, I slept like shit…keeping my phone next to me and the door open in case it happened again.

I do not like having an alarm system as much as I thought I did. Having to key a code into a console to even walk around the house is sorta…well…annoying. But cue Rex…”just so we’re clear…you’ll be glad you have it with all of your equipment.” Yes, Rex. I know. But shut up and activate your wonder twin powers in the form of a pillow, dammit. I’m tired and cranky…and sitting in a geriatric waiting room of snoring, sniffling elders.

UPDATE: CLICK HERE TO SEE THE EYE ZAPPING!

I’m a lovah, not fightah. So after a busy day and near death experience (see below), coming home to a cranky and sick man wasn’t the best thing for social interaction. Fucker made me so angry I could have spit. I leave the room. He bangs furniture. But all couples have periods where both truly believe the other isn’t communicating for shit. It’s like talking to a fucking brick wall…. But then Heroes comes on, so you kinda have to cut the shit.

So this morning I am shaking off the rest of it. He’s one of the luckier ones that can process it out in 20 minutes. I can do that 90% of the time unless I’m already tired. Then it takes longer. It’s no wonder, though…that with this quick-in-quick-out method of handling our shit that we (and men as a whole) could be accused of being heartless pricks.

I counter that. We men aren’t heartless. We’re just realize there are more important things. Like beer, for instance. And sex. Yes. Beer and sex.

The phrase that comes to mind when travelling in a packed subway car between NY Ave & Rhode Island Ave on the red line while standing boxed into a corner where I can’t move my arms. That bridge literally feels like we could fall at any moment and I get scared to death. Feeling like I face death on the way to work and on the way home isn’t fun. I would rather not die being crushed by an old man with halitosis and a woman who smells like she hasn’t washed her hair in days. I can just think of much better ways.

I may not like her music much, but Melissa Etheridge…deserves every musician’s respect right now. But not because she won the Academy Award for Best Song (my favorite category next to Cinematography and Art Direction). The song was from Al Gore’s documentary, An Inconvenient Truth. Oh my damn, she beat out “Listen”. After the amazing performance by the Dreamgirls cast, I about shit my pants when none of their three entries won.